“So do not deprive each other of sexual relations. The only exception to this rule would be the agreement of both husband and wife to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time, so they can give themselves more completely to prayer.” -- 1 Corinthians 7:5
Sex is one of those topics that everyone wants to talk about—I think it’s fair to say that our society is a liiiiiiiiitttle overly consume...d with it! But for some married couples, this topic has become taboo and is met with an *eye roll* when brought up. Why? There are several reasons why marriages fall short in this area. Some women lose their desire to be intimate with their husbands due to the heavy demand of raising children, some wives feel underappreciated/
Though sex and intimacy are two different things, the former bringing physical enjoyment of intercourse and the latter bringing a deeper emotional connection with your spouse (intimacy = “into me see”), both play a major part in a healthy, balanced marriage. Most people only understand the importance of sex on a surface level. So let’s take a moment to understand how our sexual intimacy impacts our marriage physically, emotionally and spiritually. Here's how www.focusonthefamily.com breaks down each area:
Sex is one of those topics that everyone wants to talk about—I think it’s fair to say that our society is a liiiiiiiiitttle overly consume...d with it! But for some married couples, this topic has become taboo and is met with an *eye roll* when brought up. Why? There are several reasons why marriages fall short in this area. Some women lose their desire to be intimate with their husbands due to the heavy demand of raising children, some wives feel underappreciated/
Though sex and intimacy are two different things, the former bringing physical enjoyment of intercourse and the latter bringing a deeper emotional connection with your spouse (intimacy = “into me see”), both play a major part in a healthy, balanced marriage. Most people only understand the importance of sex on a surface level. So let’s take a moment to understand how our sexual intimacy impacts our marriage physically, emotionally and spiritually. Here's how www.focusonthefamily.com breaks down each area:
Sex is a Physical
Need
1.
The biggest
difference between husbands and wives is that husbands view sex as a legitimate
physical need. Just as your body tells you when you're hungry, thirsty, or
tired, your husband's body tells him when he needs a sexual release.
2.
A
woman's sexual desire is more connected to emotions than her husband's sex
drive is. Men are able to separate sex from a relationship while for a woman,
the two are usually intertwined.
3.
Sex
is not just a physical need for men. A man's sexuality has a large impact on
his emotional, marital, and spiritual well-being.
Sex is an Emotional Need
1.
A
man's ability to please his wife is vital to his confidence as a man. The
impact affects almost every other area of his life.
2.
You
cannot compartmentalize your husband's sexuality and love him as a husband, but
reject him sexually.
3.
When
we say, "Not tonight," men really hear, "I'm not interested in
you." Having his wife just go through the motions isn't enough. A husband longs
to know that he is pleasing his wife and that she is sexually interested in
him.
Sex is a Spiritual Need
1. Most men face a lifelong
struggle to control their sexuality. Ultimately, it is a struggle over
integrity, right and wrong, uprightness and wholeness.
2. He likely battles daily to stay pure. His walk
with the Lord and his integrity are largely determined by how he handles sexual
temptations and impulses.
3. Your husband depends on
you to be his partner in his battle against sexual temptation. You're the only
woman in the world whom your husband can look at sexually without compromising
his integrity!
Sex is a Relational Need
1. Oxytocin, the "cuddle
hormone", is present in both men and women and it causes people to feel
bonded to each other and experience relationships as emotionally gratifying and
positive. Women have more oxytocin, which is why we are more likely than men to
seek emotional intimacy in our relationships.
2. Your husband is biologically
wired to bond with you after sex. He literally feels emotionally closer to you
after orgasm. You may notice that he's more attentive (perhaps after a brief
nap), more affectionate, and more appreciative.
3. Sex is perhaps the most
powerful force bonding a man emotionally and relationally to his wife. The lack
of regular sex creates a barrier to emotional connectedness and intimacy for
men.
As we all know, women are hardwired a lot differently than
men. Our needs are not always the same as his needs, and it’s okay! If your
marriage is off-course in this area, sit down with your spouse and talk about
how to get it back on track.
{PUT IT INTO ACTION}
1.
Understand that both sex and intimacy are
equally vital in a healthy marriage. It’s about meeting each other’s needs.
2.
Understand yours and your spouse’s “love
language”. Take The 5 Love Languages test with your spouse. http://www.5lovelanguages.com/profile/couples/
3.
Pray about it together and be open about your
concerns. If our God created sex, surely he has the answers! Seek wise
counseling if you need a mediator.
4.
Be patient with your spouse. It takes time for
your spouse to grow/change.
5.
Show praise and appreciation when your spouse
makes an effort to meet your needs.
6.
Set realistic expectations based upon your
desires as a couple! Don’t go into marriage thinking that only happy couples
have sex every day or even the old-worn-out-non-factual based “2-3 times a
week”. Only you and your spouse get to
define how frequently you should engage in having sex, and whether it’s 1 time
per month, or 10 times per week, as long as the two of you are happy, that’s
all that matters. This article is a must read if you’re overly consumed with
how often you and your spouse should get it on: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/07/17/married-sex_n_5596185.html
What Am I Saying “I
Do” to? M.A.R.R.I.A.G.E Series
I = Intimacy = “Into
Me See”
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#DivorceisNOTanoption
#BlackMarriageMatters
#DivorceisNOTanoption
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“Understanding
Your Husband’s Sexual Needs” http://www.focusonthefamily.com/marriage/sex-and-intimacy/understanding-your-husbands-sexual-needs/understanding-your-husbands-sexual-needs
“This Is How
Often Married People Are Having Sex” http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/07/17/married-sex_n_5596185.html
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