Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. --1 Corinthians 13:7
He’s going to disappoint you. You’re going to disappoint him. There. Now what? To go into a serious relationship thinking that true love means that you won’t have disagreements is not being realistic. And becoming passive-aggressive to avoid conflict isn’t going to resolve the issue either— it just leads to resentment. So now we have to learn how to speak truth in love to one another.
{MY LESSON LEARNED}
Time surely does bring about a change. When I think back to year 1 and how I used to handle disagreements with Tristen…*WHEW*! I would allow my emotions to fly all over the place! But deep down inside, I didn’t like that feeling of allowing my emotions to control me. Then one day, it dawned on me: Tristen doesn’t mean any harm by me, and I don’t mean any harm by him. We’re both playing for the same team.
When it comes to speaking truth out of love, timing is everything. One day, I was bothered by something that Tristen did, but I knew he didn’t realize it. We were having such a great morning that I knew if I brought it up right then, it would ruin the rest of the day. So I waited until the next day to address it and I realized that had I tried to address it the day before, it would have come across completely differently, out of my emotions rather than out of love and respect. Because I chose to communicate with him out of love (yes, you have to CHOOSE your attitude!), he received what I had to say and we were able to move forward without the unnecessary arguing.
{PUT IT INTO ACTION}
Statistics show that communication plays a significant part in our high divorce rate. If we can get this part right, it will clear up a lot of the other areas that we struggle in— raising children, finances, handling in-laws, intimacy, and infidelity to name a few. The key to remember is that it’s not about what we say to our husbands, but HOW we say it. Men are programmed to respond to respect, and if that important element is missing, then the conversation is futile. Wives, here are some things that I keep in mind that may help you in this area:
1. We are on the same team. Get clarity, not revenge.
He’s going to disappoint you. You’re going to disappoint him. There. Now what? To go into a serious relationship thinking that true love means that you won’t have disagreements is not being realistic. And becoming passive-aggressive to avoid conflict isn’t going to resolve the issue either— it just leads to resentment. So now we have to learn how to speak truth in love to one another.
{MY LESSON LEARNED}
Time surely does bring about a change. When I think back to year 1 and how I used to handle disagreements with Tristen…*WHEW*! I would allow my emotions to fly all over the place! But deep down inside, I didn’t like that feeling of allowing my emotions to control me. Then one day, it dawned on me: Tristen doesn’t mean any harm by me, and I don’t mean any harm by him. We’re both playing for the same team.
When it comes to speaking truth out of love, timing is everything. One day, I was bothered by something that Tristen did, but I knew he didn’t realize it. We were having such a great morning that I knew if I brought it up right then, it would ruin the rest of the day. So I waited until the next day to address it and I realized that had I tried to address it the day before, it would have come across completely differently, out of my emotions rather than out of love and respect. Because I chose to communicate with him out of love (yes, you have to CHOOSE your attitude!), he received what I had to say and we were able to move forward without the unnecessary arguing.
{PUT IT INTO ACTION}
Statistics show that communication plays a significant part in our high divorce rate. If we can get this part right, it will clear up a lot of the other areas that we struggle in— raising children, finances, handling in-laws, intimacy, and infidelity to name a few. The key to remember is that it’s not about what we say to our husbands, but HOW we say it. Men are programmed to respond to respect, and if that important element is missing, then the conversation is futile. Wives, here are some things that I keep in mind that may help you in this area:
1. We are on the same team. Get clarity, not revenge.
2. Seek to understand then to be understood.
3. Communicate your feelings not your tead of “You made me feel like”, “You never do this” and “You always do that”.
4. Don't take everything pers
5. #Timing_is_everything. Initiating a heart to heart during the Texans football game-- not a good idea. Make sure that he is in a posture to be able to listen and communicate with you. To prepare him for a tough conversation, try the “Out of Love” approach that we discussed in previous CC’s Pieces http://
As always, ask God to help you make a permanent, positive change in this area. Try implementing a few of these in your conversations and watch your mate not only start to respond in love, but he will likely start using some of your methods too!
What Am I Saying “I Do To”? R = Responding in Love
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#DivorceisNOTanoption
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