“Accept one another,
then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God.” -- Romans 15:7
In continuing on with our “What am I saying “I do” to?”
series and breaking down the acronym, M.A.R.R.I.A.G.E., we are now at the
letter “A”: Accepting & Appreciating him for who he is.
{MY LESSON LEARNED}
No matter how great the guy is you’re with, there will
always be something you won’t like about him. And it’s okay. If you want to
marry someone who thinks like you, acts like you and does things the exact same
way you do, you’re better off staying single. Marriage is not about seeking
perfection, but learning how to be perfect at accepting each other’s
imperfections.
Tristen is a straight-shooter, but I am a diplomatic, let’s
be friends, I don’t want to hurt your feelings nurturer. In the beginning of
our marriage, I sometimes struggled with his straight-forward responses. I
wanted him to analyze, discuss and debate things with me before coming to a
final decision. To me, the more we discussed a matter, the more it showed he
cared. But I had to learn that this isn’t who he is. He is a very decisive,
to-the-point, no frills kind of guy. So instead of getting upset and trying to
convince him to be someone he wasn’t, I learned to accept and appreciate that
quality about him. In fact, I’m more appreciative of his decisive nature today
because it saves us a lot of unnecessary wasted time going back and forth on
things.
{PUT IT INTO ACTION}
One big mistake that a lot of women make is thinking that
their mate will change after exchanging “I do’s”. Do not be fooled! What you
see is what you get! If a man loves you, he will make changes to make you
happy, but he will not change who he is to make you happy. So it is in everyone’s best interest for you
to make sure you can accept the good, the bad and the ugly before committing.
It’s also important that we not get so hung up on what we see as imperfections,
but learn to look for the good and appreciate the fact that it could always be
worse. Here are a few nuggets that can help you in this area:
1. Before saying
“I do”, know what your deal breakers are. We all have our deal breakers.
Understand what things you are willing to accept and things you will not be able
to accept. But be reasonable!
2. Learn how to
express your concerns out of love. Perhaps he’s not aware that his loud laugh
annoys you. Have you kindly shared with him, “Honey, I enjoy seeing you happy.
But your laugh can be a little loud sometimes, have you noticed?”
3. Be patient
with him. We are all a work in progress and it takes time to change old habits.
Once he acknowledges that he’s working on a particular area, give him space to
do so, and understand that he may revert back to his old ways. Old habits are
hard to break. Guide him back on the right path with gentle reminders.
At the end of the day, we all want to be loved, accepted and
appreciated for who we are. Men are no different.
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