Be Anxious about Nothing

 “The way you tell me to live is always right; help me understand it so I can live to the fullest.” –Psalm 119:144

 

 

Will I get the promotion? Will I be married by thirty-five? Will I be able to provide for my children as a single mother? How will the Church view me if I do this?  I’m getting older and not married—will I be able to have children of my own?

I want to take time to really connect with my sisters today. There is SO much going on in our lives that it’s really hard sometimes to not be anxious. And society doesn’t help. It tells us that if you’re not wearing this, living here, driving that, putting your kids in this school, or married by this timeframe, you’re nobody. It’s enough to drive you into depression, and sadly, some of you reading this are staring at depression right now.

But I want to give you hope and a fresh outlook! God has already mapped out the blueprint for your life and all you have to do is LIVE IT. You don’t have to be what everyone else says you need to be or make apologies for what you’re not. The way God tells us to live is ALWAYS right. Now you just have to ask God to help you understand it so you can live it to the fullest.

{MY LESSON}

This week, I found myself toiling over what to do with a particular matter. I had prayed about it all week and was waiting for God to shout out the answer to me. But it wasn’t until Sunday that He spoke to my spirit and told me to write down my thoughts and He would reveal His will to me. So I opened up a fresh new journal that my mother bought me recently, and let my thoughts flow. (I used to journal all the time, but as we all know, life gets busy and some things we enjoy doing fall by the wayside). Journaling gave me immediate relief from what was swirling around in my head and by the time I put the pen down, God had spoken to my spirit on the matter and I was released from it. All anxiety, gone.

Have you ever found yourself doing something because others wanted you to do it, not because you wanted to? Have you ever found yourself committing to something and then changing your mind 49 times before finally making a decision? It’s not always because you’re indecisive or because you have a problem with keeping commitments. It’s sometimes because your spirit is not at peace and you’re fighting the will of God. My friends who come to me for advice know that the first thing I will say is “Follow peace.” I realize that this is easier said than done, especially if you don’t want to disappoint someone else. But following this mantra hasn’t failed me yet, and I know it won’t fail you either.

 

{PUT IT INTO ACTION}

Who can understand the heart of a woman—with all its joys and triumphs, challenges and heartaches? We have so much to think about that we barely have enough time to process it all. But before you mummify yourself into anxiety, stop. Take a deep breath, and try some of these things to help you:

1.     PRAY about it. Seems simple, but many of us forget to do this. It doesn’t have to be long and drawn out. It can be as simple as “Lord, please calm my heart and take away my anxiety.” He knows what you need before you can even formulate the words to say.

2.     WRITE your thoughts down. I don’t know the science behind it, but there’s something about getting your thoughts out of your head and onto paper. It helps me every single time. If you’re short on time and need to make an important decision, form a t-chart and list the pros on one side and the cons on the other side. Whichever one outweighs the other, that’s likely your answer.

3.     SEEK GODLY COUNSEL. Sometimes the matter is too big for us and we need to hear from someone with wise counsel. Ask God to lead you to the right counsel.

4.     BE PATIENT and FOLLOW PEACE. Keep doing what you know is the right thing to do. When we do our part and trust God to do the rest, He ALWAYS comes through. God reveals His will in his own timing, which is always perfect. So don’t force your way through. You’ll only mess it up!

One of my favorite scriptures to go to: “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:6-7).

I know that there is one woman who needed to read this message today. If it’s you, save it somewhere so you can refer to it again. We all need gentle reminders to keep us encouraged and focused on God’s will. You have a calling on your life and the enemy will do whatever he can to distract, distort or discourage you. Remember, your life has already been beautifully mapped out by our Creator. All you have to do is live it to the fullest. 

The blueprint is finished. Be anxious about nothing.

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Expectations -- The Silent Killer of Marriages

“The hope of the righteous brings joy, but the expectation of the wicked will perish.”  -Proverbs 10:28

I read an interesting article over the weekend that really opened my eyes. In researching the top reasons why couples divorce, I frequently run across the same answers: finances, sex and adultery. But an article by Jessica Orwig featured in Business Insider, “Here’s Why Marriage Is Harder than Ever”, introduced a new culprit: Expectations.

According to Northwestern University’s psychology professor, Eli Finkel, compared to previous generations, “today’s marriages make it harder for couples to cultivate a flourishing relationship.” This is what he also refers to as the “suffocation model of marriage in America”. What expectations do you have of your spouse that could be suffocating your union? Here are a few common ones:

·         She expects him to continue to do the sweet things he did during courtship.

·         He expects her to take have a career, care for the home, and tend to the children. He believes he doesn’t need to be as involved with domestic responsibilities.

·         She expects him to make more money as the husband.

·         He expects intimacy every night.

·         She expects him to stop socializing once they marry. The only friend he needs is her.

The list goes on and on. And we keep suffocating each other more and more…to the brink of divorce. Let’s pull the plug on this one in 2015 and reevaluate our expectations.

{MY LESSON}

“Cooking is not my domestic gift.” There. I said it. The truth is, I’m just coming to terms with this, almost 8 years into our marriage. It’s not that I can’t cook; Mr. Sutton enjoys my meals a lot when I actually do cook. But if you left it to me, we would eat out 7 days a week. That’s because for whatever unknown reason, I get anxiety over having to decide what to cook. And if I’m trying a new recipe, I get even more nerved up about it turning out right.  I know it sounds strange, but cooking is stressful for me! But it’s not for Tristen. He’s actually really good with coming up with different recipes and concocting his own seasonings.

Recently, I got to my breaking point and came out with the truth to Tristen: “I don’t enjoy cooking. I enjoy cleaning and just about any other domestic responsibility. Can you please take over cooking?” That was probably one of the toughest conversations I’ve ever had with him. I was finally admitting that I didn’t enjoy something that according to society, EVERY wife should love to do and be great at it. Though it was tough, I literally felt the veil of suffocation release the top of my head. Tristen was understanding and has graciously taken over his area of expertise in the kitchen. I still do make “guest appearances” and whip up a little something for my honey, but I actually enjoy the experience now. Perhaps because it’s no longer an act out of expectation, but out of love…

{PUT IT INTO ACTION}

Husbands, what expectations are you suffocating your wife with? Wives, ask yourselves the same question.

1.       ASK YOURSELF, “Why do I have these expectations of my spouse? Are the motives behind my expectations selfish?” Is it because you saw your parents do it? Is it because your buddy’s wife does it? Is it because society says you should have those expectations?

2.       SEEK WAYS TO HELP your spouse in the areas that you see them drowning in. Your wife may seem like she’s super woman, but even super heroes need a break. She can’t have a career, tend to domestic responsibilities AND take care of the children all on her own. She needs you.

3.       HAVE AN OPEN & HONEST CONVERSATION with your spouse. If we know communication is the key, why do we shy away from it so much? Yes, communicating makes you vulnerable, but it’s also very liberating and brings healing.

4.       SHOW APPRECIATION. This goes back to my previous CC’s Pieces, “No one ever gets tired of hearing “Thank You”.

Chances are, your spouse may not even realize they’re suffocating. That’s where being in tune with one another comes into play. Try something this week: Observe the way your spouse handles day-to-day responsibilities and seek ways to help in the areas that he/struggles with. Take control and don’t allow your expectations to kill your marriage.

Expectations – The Silent Killer of Marriages

Credit:  http://www.businessinsider.com/why-marriage-is-hard-2015-1

http://www.whatchristianswanttoknow.com/what-does-the-bible-say-about-expectations-a-christian-study/

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