Make Time for Each Other

“For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.” --Genesis 2:24

How long has it been since you and your spouse had a date night? I know. It’s been a while, and you don’t see it happening anytime soon because life is so busy. But, if we check our priorities, are they in the right order? Be honest, is this yours right now: 1. Kids 2. Work 3. Home 4. Spouse? That’s okay, you don’t have to admit it. For most of us, that is the order, and that’s why we don’t have time for our partner. Life is so much busier now with so many things competing for our time-- work, kids, social media, television, extra-curricular activities...

{MY LESSON}
 

I came to the realization one day that we spend more time with people on our job than we do at home with our own spouse—sobering! So as life continues to demand more out of us, we have to be intentional about spending time with our spouse.  Tristen and I have a weekly standing appointment every Thursday for date night. It’s not always at a fancy restaurant. In fact, it’s usually at home with our favorite takeout in front of one of our Netflix shows. If you have small children, your date night may start after the kids are down for bed. Sharing a bowl of ice cream or a nice cup of tea with your honey snuggled up in bed is just as effective. It’s all about intentionally carving out time out of your day to spend with your husband. The key to this is agreeing on a night to schedule your date, and STICKING TO IT!

{PUT IT INTO ACTION}

 

1.     LEARN TO SAY “NO.” It’s okay. You cannot be everything to everyone, nor does God expect for you to be. I personally struggled in this area, so I can speak first-hand to it. Initially, it won’t feel right to say “NO” because you’re so used to saying “YES”. But know that it doesn’t make you any less of a person to say no. This also applies to your children!

2.     STOP TRYING TO KEEP UP. Yep, we’re all guilty of it—trying to keep up with the Joneses. You want the nice cars and the big house like them, but you have NO IDEA what it took for them to acquire them. If gaining these material things require you to work yourself to death and to spend excessive amounts of time away from your family, it’s not worth it.

 

3.     PRIORITIZE. Before starting your day, make a list of your priority items that must get done that day. Limit it to no more than 5 items, if you can. Make sure your partner is listed somewhere on that list—whether it be picking up his dry cleaning, preparing a meal before he gets home, or calling to check on him at least once that day. He needs to know that he’s on your daily list of priorities.

 

4.     KEEP YOUR COMMITMENTS WITH ONE ANOTHER. If you schedule a date night with one another, do everything you can to keep that commitment. Sure, things do come up, but consider rescheduling the conflicting appointment before rescheduling your date night.

Become intentional about spending time with your life partner. Just implementing these four practices will help you to quickly regain control over how you prioritize your time allow you to share more of it with the one who matters most, your spouse.

 

Make time for each other. The world can wait.

Credit: http://abiblicalmarriage.com/making-your-husband-a-priority/

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Make-up 101: Applying the Right Foundation

“Lord, I want a man who is 6’2”, attractive, athletic, makes six figures, has a college degree, has a big house, drives a nice luxury car, dresses well, smells good, goes to church regularly, has no children, has never been married, a great lover in bed, and gives foot massages at least once a week.”

Though humorous, these are the types of qualities many women are seeking in a husband. And though there's nothing wrong with wanting any of these things, they are what I call “the cosmetics.” Sure, we all want someone who is easy on the eyes and can offer us the best things in life, but if his values are out of whack, all the other things don’t matter. As women, we all know the importance of applying the right foundation when putting on make-up. Let's apply this same principle when seeking out the right spouse.

{MY LESSON- “THE COSMETICS”}

As a single woman, the key things that I specifically prayed for in a husband were someone who loved the Lord, worked hard, shared the same values as me, someone who was easy on the eyes (it didn’t have to be Idris Elba, but hey, I had to find him attractive), and lastly, someone who would love me more than I loved him (I’ll explain that a little later). Then, during my sophomore year in college, Tristen Sutton walked into the room at an INROADS summer training workshop. Though he was driving a 1996 Honda and barely made enough to afford his part of the rent at the time, I knew I had spotted great potential.

I’m not a sappy person, so I’m not going to tell a story about him sweeping me off of my feet. But I will be honest and say that he was the first guy, that I can recall, who I actually went up to and introduced myself first. I had just pledged Delta Sigma Theta Sorority that year, so you have to understand that this was a BIG deal (you know how some sorority girls can be in thinking that they shouldn’t have to lift a finger---EVERY guy should want to be with them by default.) So what made me approach him you ask?

His presence. I knew the moment he entered the room he was different from all the other guys. His stately stature and inviting smile was my first indicator. CHECK. As I watched him work the room interacting with the other interns, I noticed that he was just like me—not cliquish and enjoyed being around other people. Another Check. Then, when I finally mustered up the courage to approach him…THOSE HAZEL EYES! Check. Check. CHECK. It was a wrap!

{“THE FOUNDATION”}

Though we didn’t start dating until after college (which I believe was by God’s design), we did establish a great friendship that rekindled every summer when he returned from Texas A&M. I learned that he was a devout Christian man who had re-dedicated his life to celibacy in hopes that God would bless him with the wife he had prayed for. As if our stories couldn’t have been any more similar, I was honoring God in the same manner with holding on to my virginity until marriage. So another big check—we shared the same core values. Finally, when we started dating late 2005, I found my answer to the last request that I prayed for: someone who loved me more than I loved him. What does that mean?

This was a golden nugget that my mother instilled in me early, and I’m so glad that she did. By nature, women are nurturers, tend to give way more than we probably should sometimes, and we love harder. So to find a man who genuinely loved me more than I loved him would almost be like spotting a unicorn. Every guy that I had been with before Tristen, though they were good guys, I knew that I loved them far more than they loved me, which is probably why it didn’t work out. For the FIRST time, I had met a guy who loved me more than I loved him. It took some time for me to realize it, but the key indicators were: he called me just as much as I called him, he consistently showed a genuine concern for my well-being, he expressed his love for me daily through his actions, and he openly communicated his desire to one day make me his wife. After dating for about one year, he asked my mother for my hand in marriage, and she joyfully gave her blessing.

{PUT IT INTO ACTION}

God knows what you desire and what’s best for you. He will give you some things that you prayed for, and then others, he won’t…at least not at that time. Don’t get so wrapped up in the cosmetics. Tristen had a little weight to work off, and I’m sure I was no Beyoncé to him either. But we were both wise enough to realize that the foundation was right, and that’s what mattered most. Here are a few golden nuggets to help you on your journey to marriage:

1.      LEARN TO BE CONTENT and be diligent in serving the Kingdom while single. (1 Corinthians 7:17) Marriage is a blessing, but it is not for the selfish or faint at heart. It takes work. (1 Corinthians 7:28)

2.     PRAY SPECIFICALLY for what you desire in a mate. And be sure that you can offer the same!

3.     PREPARE NOW for becoming a wife. Being a Godly wife is more than just wearing a beautiful ring on your left hand. (Proverbs 31)

4.     TRUST GOD to lead your Boaz to you. HE who finds a good wife, finds a good thing. Not the other way around. (Proverbs 18:22)

5.       DON’T SETTLE.

·        Guard your heart. Everyone is not looking out for your best interest. So you have to remain diligent in protecting yourself. (Proverbs 4:23)

·         Remain sexually pure until marriage. (1 Corinthians 7:1-7)

·         Do not be unequally yoked. This goes for dating as well. (2 Corinthians 6:14)

This CC’s Pieces is dedicated to every woman travailing through singlehood. I know you want that unicorn, but don’t miss your blessing by being too focused on the exterior! Get the foundation right, and God will show you when and how to apply the cosmetics.

Pray for the right foundation. You can apply the cosmetics later.

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