"Therefore let us stop passing judgment on one another...Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification." --Romans 14:13,19
"He promised me he would change after we got married! He lied to me!"
{MY LESSON}
One thing I can say about Tristen is that he is consistent. What he liked back then, he likes now. What habits he had then, he has the same ones today. CONSISTENT! I, on the other hand, have changed my hair, my taste in clothing, my hobbies, my interests, what I like to listen to, my taste in food, my weight just about everything but my first name! Poor guy, he never saw it coming. But fortunately, the changes have been for the better and he has embraced them. As women, we are ever-evolving beings always seeking to do more, have more, and be more. I can name a few things that I would have liked Tristen to change, especially during our early years of marriage. But I had to learn to pick my battles. If it wasn't something that put our absolutes or fundamental doctrines at risk, then it wasn't worth me quarreling with him.
One thing I can say about Tristen is that he is consistent. What he liked back then, he likes now. What habits he had then, he has the same ones today. CONSISTENT! I, on the other hand, have changed my hair, my taste in clothing, my hobbies, my interests, what I like to listen to, my taste in food, my weight just about everything but my first name! Poor guy, he never saw it coming. But fortunately, the changes have been for the better and he has embraced them. As women, we are ever-evolving beings always seeking to do more, have more, and be more. I can name a few things that I would have liked Tristen to change, especially during our early years of marriage. But I had to learn to pick my battles. If it wasn't something that put our absolutes or fundamental doctrines at risk, then it wasn't worth me quarreling with him.
I'm sure I'm not alone in this, but I know women who have intentionally gone into a marriage hoping to change their husband. Even AFTER he told her that he was not going to change and she needed to accept him the way he was, she still married him with the insurance policy that if it doesn't work out, she'll divorce him. Selfish. Unfair. Destructive. So if you're caught at this crossroad right now, it's time to reevaluate your true motives behind wanting to change your husband.
{PUT IT INTO ACTION}
In order to address this issue, you have to be honest with yourself.
In order to address this issue, you have to be honest with yourself.
1. EXAMINE YOUR HEART. Everything that you desire starts from within. Are you at peace with yourself? Are you content overall with the man you married?
2. EXAMINE YOUR MOTIVES. What is the root cause for you wanting him to change? Is it to make him a better person? Is it because you want him to be like someone else's husband, or even more so, like your ex?
3. PRAY. If your heart and motives are in the right place, you have to give it to the ultimate changer. People can't change people. Only God can. Pray that if it is the Lord's will for your spouse to change, God will soften his heart to allow that change to take place. And most importantly, ask God to give you patience and a spirit of grace and understanding until that change manifests. On the other hand, if God reveals to you that this is not a deal breaker, pray and ask him to help you to LET. IT. GO!
4. PRAISE. We all need encouragement when trying to make a change. Praise is the best way to reinforce positive change.
2. EXAMINE YOUR MOTIVES. What is the root cause for you wanting him to change? Is it to make him a better person? Is it because you want him to be like someone else's husband, or even more so, like your ex?
3. PRAY. If your heart and motives are in the right place, you have to give it to the ultimate changer. People can't change people. Only God can. Pray that if it is the Lord's will for your spouse to change, God will soften his heart to allow that change to take place. And most importantly, ask God to give you patience and a spirit of grace and understanding until that change manifests. On the other hand, if God reveals to you that this is not a deal breaker, pray and ask him to help you to LET. IT. GO!
4. PRAISE. We all need encouragement when trying to make a change. Praise is the best way to reinforce positive change.
If you married your partner with the intentions of "making some changes", you can only be upset with yourself when he rejects the changes. Men are pretty simple creatures and if they don't see a problem or sense that you're trying to change them, they're not likely going to make a permanent change. Sure, he'll make some exceptions every now and then to put a smile on your face (like washing dishes one night). But don't expect him to turn into Mr. Clean just because he did that one act of kindness! If you're single or engaged to be married soon, please take some time to marinate on this CC's Pieces. It can, and in most cases will, make or break your marriage.
Women marry hoping men will change. Men marry hoping women will never change.
C.C. picking your battles is so true! For 4 years of my marriage I would have meltdowns about my husband's lack of interest in anything domestic. I finally decided to let that battle go and got a housekeeper! Moral: He wasn't domestic when I met him. Now someone helps me keep my house in order every 2 weeks and I want to smother my husband less with a pillow! #stillworkingonme
ReplyDeleteNice piece CC.
ReplyDeleteOnce again you have fed God's people! Hmmm....so I guess it's now up to us to see how well we digest it ;-)
ReplyDeleteThis is on point!!! Praise God for your gift of ministry. Im single and I enjoy reading/sharing your posts in hopes of helping others...
ReplyDelete